Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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