i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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