whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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