Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize