census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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