Is it normal to miss your booty call?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i love accidental penises.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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