he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize