I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize