the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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