Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
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you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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