I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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