My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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