if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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