Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize