I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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