i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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