So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize