I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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