I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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