I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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