So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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