Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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