you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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