there was a trapeze. enough said
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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