I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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