We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize