saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize