I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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