tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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