i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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