My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize