He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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