Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I will die if light touches me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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