i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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