Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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