mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize