You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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