Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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