never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone came in the potted fern
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize