So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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