Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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