I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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