i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize