Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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