i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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