walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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