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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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