I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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