But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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