Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize